Finding Light in a Heavy Season: Caring for Foster Children During the Holidays
"Happy Holidays!" is a polite greeting in the winter months to wish others well during the holiday season. Although the greeting is often appreciated, it can also be a reminder of all of the emotional weight and stress that people carry this time of year. The stress of seeing or not seeing family, the bills piling up, the seasonal depression, finding childcare while kids are on Christmas break because they can't get time off work while still being able to pay the bills that they are already struggling to pay, the treacherous weather and road conditions, everyone getting sick with a cold or flu, and the list goes on. This is of course compounded with the happy and nostalgic notions of holiday traditions that we desperately grasp onto for fear of becoming a scrooge and losing sight of the reason for the season.
For most children, however, it is a joyous time- getting a vacation from school, playing in the snow and building snowmen with friends, baking cookies with parents or grandparents, spending time with relatives, and of course- Santa is bringing presents! Looking through the perspective of foster children, they share the same happy feelings about the holidays as most children but their happiness is layered with confusion, mistrust, sadness, and longing. The traditions that they have each year with their families are replaced with strange new traditions with someone else's family. They receive gifts from strangers who want to make sure they have what they need like clothes and bedding, but not always what they want. Even when they get toys or things that they asked for, it is not the same as getting what most truly want- to be back with their family, waking up Christmas morning with their parents and siblings, embracing their own family traditions that they have done year after year.
Navigating the emotional complexities that children in foster care may experience during the holiday season is no easy feat. There are many resources online to assist caregivers with advocating for and supporting their foster children during this time. Here is a short compilation of guidance provided by professionals (links can be found below).
Caregivers are encouraged to validate the children's mixed emotions and provide them with a sense of stability and connection by respecting their traditions, maintaining routines, and creating new positive memories. It is imperative to be patient with emotional fluctuations, offer open communication, and ensure that they feel a sense of belonging without pressure.
Communication and validation
Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that it's normal to have a range of emotions such as feeling happy while missing their birth family. Talk openly and have conversations about holiday plans and expectations to ease their anxiety. Don't take it personally- a child's emotions and behaviors are not a reflection of a caregiver's level of care.
Stability and connection
Maintain routines to reduce stress and anxiety. Honor their traditions and incorporate them into your celebrations. Focus on making new memories such as baking or watching a movie together.
Practical support
Involve them in planning by giving them a say in holiday decisions such as the menu or decorations. Allow for space by scheduling down time and give the child the option to not participate in every activity. Offer gifts that honor their birth family such as creating cards or buying small gifts to send to their birth family.
